Photo courtesy Kristina Francisco
One-Way Ticket: This is what I had to do
By Kristina Francisco
Published: July 16th, 2008 | 12:30pm
It wasn’t that my life sucked. I was just unhappy or uninspired or maybe even lazy. I don’t really know, but I’ve been feeling some kind of malaise with life for a year now. Living in Chicago wasn’t bad, but I was unhappy with a lot of things: my job, the weather, and how every day and every night seemed to be the same. Five years after graduating from college, I’m drowning in student loan debt, and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing with my life. I’m insecure about my future, unsure of who I am, and uncertain of what I’m capable of.
Some would call what I’m going through a quarter-life crisis: a luxury privileged young people get to experience and one that I feel a little guilty about. It’s not like I survived Katrina or like I’m fighting in the Iraq War, but this quarter-life crisis is a personal crisis, and I had to do something about it. So I did. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, got rid of most of my possessions, and left the country. Why? So I could find myself or something.
That’s how I ended up here in Barcelona, a city where, before my arrival, I knew absolutely no one and didn’t speak the language. I’d always wanted to travel, but I always found an excuse not to: I didn’t want to go alone, I didn’t have enough money, the timing was never right, I had to work on my career. It was excuse after excuse after excuse. But when you’re in a crisis, big changes need to be made, so I bought a one-way ticket to BCN and plan on living here until the end of August. After that, I will travel Europe for two months, and then live in Paris in November. (I hope my meager savings will last me that long.)
As I write this, it’s been a month since I arrived, and the transition hasn’t been completely smooth. (Here’s a tip: If you ever plan to live in another country, make sure you see the apartment you’ll live in before you decide to actually live in it.)
And I’m not gonna lie: the sense of aloneness was overwhelming the first few days, and that feeling of what-the-hell-am-I-doing, why-did-I-leave-my-life-behind didn’t go away. I’d never before visited another country by myself, let alone lived in one. I had no one to share these new experiences with. I had no one to walk down the street with and say, “Look at how crazy that building looks,” no one who knew me, like the real me.
But as they say, things change with time. After a week of missing familiar faces and places, things started to get better. I moved into a better apartment. I’m no longer walking around with a map in my hand. And, best of all, the sense of aloneness has disappeared since I started Spanish classes at a language school here.
I’ve only got me to rely on and me to worry about. And things change with time. I’ve met friends of friends here, made new ones, and can order something at a restaurant in Spanish. I’ve seen some awesome buildings and beaches, gone to great parties by the Mediterranean Sea, and am OK with doing things by myself.
My friend Bart says no growth comes with ease. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s getting better everyday, and I already feel like I’m a little closer to figuring out what I want.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This is the first installment of Kristina Francisco’s “One-Way Ticket” column for venuszine.com. Visit venuszine.com every two weeks for the latest installment. Visit her personal blog at numberonehits.blogspot.com.
Comments
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lizzieP (21 days)
Rock on for taking a step back and moving forward on an adventure. I'm in a similar boat, and after a little over four years out of school and three years working for the Federal government, I'm selling my stuff and moving to Taiwan to teach Kindergarten. Life is about so much more than the 9 to 5, so live it up! in strength, l p
cbecker333 (20 days)
Hey don't I know you? Seems like a lot of people are moving around. I moved to San Francsico 2 years ago to escape the Chicago drugery (Barcelona sounds nicer). J just came back from a year in Paris. Crazy where life takes us...
miles60 (20 days)
Hey Special K...it's been too long. Sounds like you're doing well in Barcelona. Let us know where you go next!
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